Last weekend I had a great catch-up with friends and reminisced about our different primary and high school experiences. It was just comparing how our various and unique experiences brought us to that very moment, especially those that shaped our perspective in life. For instance, while in primary I learned to swim, which opened doors for me to participate in most swimming competitions. The swimming tournaments were fun and even if you didn’t win, you were glad to have participated and met other students. When you get to high school, this is more competitive. You need to be good, you could say a star “fish”, to qualify to be part of the school swim team. I recall having to “interview” by trying to beat the fastest time in length across the pool with the style of my choice. No way I could have beaten a 9-second freestyle record – so that is where I hang my flippers, even before I started. I am sure if I returned the following term, I could have trained with the team, given the first term was when school games were held thus practice was intense. But I didn’t swim my way back, at least not swimming competitively. As a teen, this was already my way of disqualifying myself and saying I should try my luck elsewhere. That’s probably why I don’t bother to jump into something that I’m not sure I will win at. But hey, we are too adult and grown for this now, right? Nope.
Just like my teenage self, I find myself disqualifying myself even before I start a new venture. This could be for a job application, project, routine or even making new connections. You would think that by now I would have learned all the right mantras and whoosahs to keep myself level-headed and confident. I am sure I’m not alone in this. Life has us facing decisions with the power to change our lives and the course we take. More often or not, there are external factors that influence the decision. However, there are times when the factors are internal. There is a fight between your positive and negative self. A struggle between your inner protagonist and antagonist. A duel between your inner coach and critic. Two voices we hear give helpful advice and harmful opinions concurrently, leaving us in a dilemma. The loudest voice wins!
Coaches are great especially when you want to learn a skill. Like in my earlier example, you would struggle to learn how to swim without a good coach. The coach mentors, teaches, corrects, guides and encourages you. Your inner coach does the same, now internally. This is the core of who you are and what you can do. No one knows you better than you know yourself. And even when we doubt our abilities and know-how, the coach encourages us to try. What is the worst that could happen?
“It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wears you out; it’s the Pebble in your shoe.”
Muhammad Ali
On the other hand, we have the incessant voice criticising your every thought, habit and move. The inner critic makes us lose sight of who we are and coaxes us to take the ‘easier’, more comfortable, expected route. These shortcuts are not only to get something done faster but to confirm one’s inability to thrive; instead, it is more of survival mode. This is seen in the student who chooses to cheat in an exam not just to successfully pass the exam, but also from a point of inadequacy to make it on your own. The inner critic’s mission is to limit our potential, view ourselves in contrast to an ideal we never chose for ourselves, and make us strive to be someone we’re not. A cheater. Unqualified. Unloved. Underrated. Is it all worth it?
Finally, when you miss that bus on your commute to work or school, you can look at it on either side of the coin. The bus has left you and you should probably have gotten ready faster and managed your time better. Alternatively, you miss the bus but other buses will come and you were not hurt on the road. Did you miss an opportunity? There will be more opportunities. As a child, we tend to learn through taking risks like learning to walk, talk and new skills. They will do what they feel in the way they know how until they are shown the right way. Until that happens, they will redirect the critic and tug at anything they can. And when it doesn’t go well the first time, they can pick it back up and try again. As adults, this is a worthwhile lesson; to coach the critic in us.
Tonerre's Word 