Stay Humble Celebrating

In early February this year, Arsenal FC faced Liverpool FC in a highly anticipated football match, which ended with Arsenal securing a 3-1 victory. The Arsenal players were understandably overjoyed with the win and took the time to celebrate with the fans who had come out to support them. However, their celebrations were criticised by some football pundits, who accused them of being too excessive. The critics argued that, as professional players, the Arsenal team should have immediately headed back to the locker room to prepare for their next challenge, rather than wasting time basking in their win. However, Arsenal’s captain, Martin Odegaard, defended the team’s actions. He stated that players should be allowed to enjoy their victories and celebrate with the fans, as it was a significant achievement that deserved recognition. Despite his defence of the celebrations, Odegaard emphasized importance of remaining humble and focused on the next game. For him, the win was not just a reason to celebrate but it was also a reminder of the team’s ongoing commitment to excellence.

Though a simple football scenario, it reminded me of how it is easy for us to be too quick to move on to situations worth celebrating in life. We live in a very fast-paced world and even time to celebrate our birthdays seems like a luxury for some, let alone small wins in the office, at school or in relationships. Now if we can’t express gratitude and joy for being alive and making even the smallest step in the right direction, when will we know when to celebrate? It got me thinking about different milestones in life; some of which I see how I celebrated while others could have been done better. I’m not saying we should throw a party every time you smash those KPIs or achieve the marks at school- but if you can, why not? Celebrating success for yourself and others around you can be something as simple as a verbal cheer or acknowledgement of tasks crossed off, a workout done, a business started or a job interview planned.

Celebrating for you. If anything, you need to do this for yourself. Ever pointed at a mirror and had your reflection pointing right back at you? Yes, I am writing this too knowing that I need to do this more as a form of self-care. This helps you set aside physically, mentally and emotionally to recharge, refresh and appreciate yourself. Perhaps on this journey of celebration, you find the right mental space to unwind and decompress and recognize more things about yourself- strengths and weaknesses. In the long term, an emotional reboot is always important after a long season of sweat and hard work to not burn out. I imagine that a major transition from high school to university without waiting for results, celebrating and reframing for the next stage would leave one exhausted and dull. Instead, we finish one stage in life and relish all that we have accomplished (whatever that is!), we need to show ourselves appreciation. So give yourself that pat on the back – you deserve it!

“You are you. Now, isn’t that pleasant?”

Dr. Seuss

Celebrating is not only about caring but also about sharing. It’s in the acknowledgement of leaps in life that you enjoy with family and friends how far you have gone to where you are. It gives people a chance to join in with you in celebration and vice versa. What better time to remind you that you are never on your own? You have a community rooting for you and motivated to share in your success. That’s why whether completing primary school, high school or even your tertiary education- you will have your whole village reach out to you to congratulate you if they are not already on the way to hoist you up in the air! And from personal experience, we only ever realize how much we should celebrate ourselves when we share our wins with those we love. If left to your strength and choice, you may not do it as much justice.

Last, but not least, a celebration is a beautiful opportunity to cultivate a habit of gratitude towards God. It allows us to reflect on our journey and be thankful for all He has done for us while keeping our hearts and minds focused on Him. It’s not just a wonderful feeling but also a compass it keeps us on the right path. We can often become distracted by the excitement at that time and forget that our achievements are not solely due to our strength, provision, or might. Celebrating reminds us to appreciate ourselves, and those around us, and above all, to thank God. So whatever it is this quarter, month, week- don’t forget to celebrate!

“Take a moment to celebrate yourself, how far you’ve come, where you’re going, your accomplishments, your courage and your strength. Never forget, you are amazing.”

Unknown

The Bat Signal

“I’m Batman!” Nothing has ever sounded as cool as seeing the Dark Knight swoop in to save the day and defeat the bad guys, both as a child and now as an adult. The phrase would often send chills down the spines of the antagonists, and even when trying to run away, they know deep down inside that they are done for. With the slash of the bat signal in the sky, the hero of Gotham City would jump into the scene to do his thing. In the comics, the bat signal was introduced in issue no. 60 of Detective Comics in 1942 as a way for the police to call on the masked vigilante for help. Different comics, movies, and shows have variations of it, but the essence remains the same. The bat signal is the quick call for backup or support. Commissioner James Gordon knows that with all his experience and skills, he can’t depend solely on his capabilities to save the city. This can be applied to life and the situations in which we find ourselves stranded.

Firstly, it was introduced in the Batverse (Batman universe 🦇) as a call for support. Considering Bruce Wayne wants to maintain his identity and anonymity I doubt that there is a phone number to dial. Hence the shining light in the sky with the significant bat silhouette. Sometimes in our lives and careers, we encounter the unexpected, like the city of Gotham facing a threat from a supervillain like the Joker. Such are the times we need to shine the light and call on help from someone who understands what we’re facing and can help us. That’s the essence of the relationships that we build around us. They are not only there for the emotional connection but even help us grow whether career-wise, socially, skill-wise and in so many ways. Man is no island. And man cannot survive just being on their own and figuring things out on your own.

“When we accept the fact that we can’t do everything, we are more willing to ask for and accept help when we do anything.”

Simon Sinek

A beacon of hope in the thick of things. More than anything, the Commissioner of police realised that having the bat signal was not only a call for help but a sign of hope. There were times that even after the danger was averted or the bad guys were caught, the light would still beam in the sky just to scare away anyone else who would dare think of committing a felony. The city would be at ease as well knowing that someone is watching over it. Knowing that we have family and friends who we can rely on for assistance gives us the resilience and confidence to forge forward. Saying this on the back of last month’s blogs about goals and resolutions knowing full well that all the wonderful things we want to do are achievable but even sweeter is achieving them together with someone or with the help of someone.

Even superheroes, with capes or not, need help. When you think about it, whatever quest for justice Batman would be on, he would also need the support of the police department to alert him whenever he can’t spot the danger. We have friends around us who we think are always strong and they are strong just for us. Nope, not always. Batman’s strengths are his intelligence, mastery of 127 martial arts and of course, unlimited “resources”. He is driven by a powerful emotion to save Gotham and uses his skills to save the city. However, he is not always successful. Even Batman can be shot, Superman can kneel to Kryptonite and Iron Man has a weak heart. Having a bat signal in life shouldn’t just be a one-way affair or relationship. Instead, in whatever community you are in, find out how you can help. Find out how you can lift the other person. At the end of the day, we all have something we can contribute to a relationship or two. Most of us, including me, believe we are invincible superheroes and try to solve our problems completely on our own. Don’t do that!

In times of difficulty, it’s important to remember that we don’t have to face our challenges alone. We all have a network of people, both formal and informal, who are willing to help us in various ways. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your team for guidance, material support, or just a listening ear. Remember, there are superheroes among us who have the ability and commitment to help us, but they may not know that we need their assistance unless we ask for it. So, be brave and ask for help when you need it. And, just as you seek out your superhero, remember that someone else may need you to be their superhero. 😎

The healthy and strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it. Whether he’s got an abscess on his knee or in his soul.

Rona Barrett

To DO, To LOVE, To HOPE

Little Carl Fredricksen is a dreamer who idolizes the adventurer Charles Muntz. He later meets Ellie, who is also a Muntz fan, and they become close friends. On one of his adventures, Charles Muntz travels in his blimp to Paradise Falls in South America to bring a monster back alive but is never seen again. Eventually, Carl grows up and marries Ellie and they promise each other that they will travel together to Paradise Falls and build a house there. Years later, Ellie dies and lonely Carl refuses to move from their home despite an offer from the owner of a construction company. When Carl accidentally hits a worker who damaged his mailbox, he is sentenced to move to a retirement home. However, having retired from a balloon factory, he uses many balloons to float his house in order to travel to Paradise Falls. UP and away he goes on his adventure.

We all have our own versions of what would give us the thrill of life. It’s all subjective and I am sure each one of us gives priority to where our heart is. You will want to do what is in line with what you believe in and what you value. It’s probably something that you know when feeling it but very abstract and intangible, yet you know it’s there. What makes you happy? What puts that bounce to your step? What makes you feel like a superhero in your own storyline? If you ignore what you’re called for, it will keep nagging at you – even slap you in the face – until you realize that this is where you are supposed to be.

“The three grand essentials of happiness are something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for.”

Alexander Chalmers

What to do? We all need something to do and look forward to in life. It’s those things that make life have a little bit of meaning. Even when we wake up over the weekend and do nothing, that already is a decisive thing to do….do nothing. But we are not just going to do nothing all our lives, are we? Life includes activity – some action. Life involves relationships – people. Without them, life would cease to be. The relationships we have to give us something to do. It’s because we have family that we want to work hard and get good jobs or thrive in business so that we clothe ourselves and our loved ones for example. The more and more you realise this it dawns on you that what you do, though for personal reasons, becomes more satisfying when taking care of others around us is a big part of it. When the job or business is no longer just a business, but a service unto others. When the hobby you are so good at becomes a craft you want to share or teach someone else. In other words, what you do wakes you up excited to start your day and if it doesn’t make a change.

Love makes the world go round. And this is not the intimate relationship kind of love alone. As you age, love matures and grows, broadens and deepens, if you allow it to. This will spread to those we live with, work with and interact with. Family, friends, associates, business partners and neighbours to say the least. Love has a way of spreading in our lives. Just like what we do. Love involves people, and not material stuff like money, cars, clothes and the latest gadgets. It will thrive in a relationship that exists. Believe it or not, you did not fall in love with those shoes or that dress as you imagine. It just looked nice, shiny and a must-have at that time. The objects can never love us back as we show them love – but they just may be used to convince others to love us back. Love arouses different things in our lives, but most of all this would be happiness and joy. Cloud 9 type of feeling or walking on sunshine. This happens when you knowingly or unknowingly establish an emotional connection with another person. The time spent with each other and the communication that you maintain with one another fosters a good relationship of respect and acceptance. These are the connections you fight to preserve and the interests that you want to maintain. 

Something to hope for. Yet another thing that changes as we mature. When I was younger I hoped to be likeable, have cool electronics and grow up to have this big and important job. You could not convince me that hope was anything past owning a fancy car, living in a plush place, money, decent work, more money, friends and having a good time. But all these are fleeting. Then slowly the interest leans more towards the more meaningful and lasting things. I came to realise that hope is laid in your relationships, friendships, career and future. Reality will always be more daunting than what is actually happening in our lives. It’s hard to look at the silver lining or the positive outcome when everything seems to be shattering around us. This may be uncomfortable and it will feel like work sometimes to just keep on hoping. But when you’re working toward the right thing, it’s worth it. You can either choose to give up on yourself or be hopeful all through, but you choose what you get out of life. Don’t worry if you don’t get the outcome you want today. Success takes time, which is why most people give up. 

“Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you.”

Ralph Marston

Unlike Carl, I haven’t worked at a balloon factory (maybe a cloud one) so I didn’t have the balloons to lift me up into the skies. But he realises that he had something to do; travel to Paradise Falls. He was spurred by the oath he took with Ellie; someone he loved. And he was going into the unknown with determination; something he hoped for. We choose to do. We choose to love. And we choose to hope. When we choose correctly, we are happy. When we “live and let live” and leave it to luck, then the outcome will be very different. So what if you made the choices today? There’s nothing to lose except happiness.  

Only Mountains…

It’s never easy saying goodbye to friends, colleagues, and acquaintances you meet along your journey called life. Some friends you leave at different stages of life- from primary to secondary school then university. Finally, life catches up with you and you are working and probably not able to keep up with the school reunions. I wonder if there are kindergarten reunions… Then in our professional lives, whether career or business we have made friends through those meetings and projects and ventures together. Then comes a time one or the other has to move to another organisation or different kind of business altogether. It definitely is important to keep in touch- with the technology we have today no excuse if someone is in another country what is a WhatsApp or Zoom call that should stop the growth of friendship? I recall one such scenario that happened with a former colleague who told me: “As the French say, ‘Seules les montagnes ne se rencontrent jamais.’”

“Only the mountains do not meet again.” It’s an interesting proverb that had me thinking that there are two ways of looking at it. Both views of it have one common thing: the world is small. One way to view it is to never say never when you part ways with a friend or someone from the past, kind of like renewing a friendship. Your paths could cross again in the future in ways you would not expect. Enough of my friends tell me how they end up working with a pal from the past. Another perspective is one of reconciliation when you have a conflict with someone else and the opportunity to reconcile is on the table. As long as you are a human being, there is always the chance to bury the hatchet and salvage the relationship. No man is a mountain that he can’t apologize or receive an apology.

“Friendship is to be purchased only by friendship. A man may have authority over others, but he can never have their hearts but by giving his own.“

Thomas Wilson

Renewing friendships needs more intentionality than there was at the beginning of the initial friendship. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and even mention why it has been a while since you last spoke or met. I remember this one time catching up with my pals and recounting a personal challenge I was going through that really shook me quite a bit. To my surprise, 2 out of 3 of the guys in the group had been in the same situation probably even around the same period. We each decided we would deal with our problems our own way only to find out later after sweat and tears may be sharing would have avoided some situations. If you happen to be going through a similar life experience or stage at the same time, drop a line to that person you have not caught up with in a while and trade the stories. Not all advice comes from trained professionals, it could take the experience of a friend being the much-needed counsel.

Reconciliation is a bit more specific in that you not only restore the relationship but choose to forgive any wrongs. The choice is very important. It’s not something that would automatically occur so it has to be a conscious action. The closeness of any friendship restored will not be as strong as it was before. Though it is the tough times that make us stronger and able to overcome future hurdles. Perhaps it is what allows the relationship to spur and blossom into something new. It’s very dependent on the willingness of the parties involved. It takes two to start, and maintain, a friendship, but only one to end it. In the end, both of you have to share the goal of keeping your renewed friendship going.

Only mountains never meet. People meet. People catch up over coffee. People set the date and do not just say “We should catch up one time” and let that float in the air. It’s also possible that even with your best efforts, your friend might not be willing or able to reconnect for different reasons that could be personal, known or unresolved hurt feelings. Whatever the case, self-compassion and kindness are things that should be practised to also take it easy on yourself.

“Growing apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled.”

Ally Condie

(Ir)replaceable

There was a time a certain tv ad used to run religiously, especially around the holiday period. Enters the scene is a funeral setting that seems to imply that someone died in a road accident because of drunk driving. After the funeral, 2 friends go out for drinks clearly depressed from the day and an empty chair near them. Not so long after, someone walks into the bar and the two are elated to see him. He is pointed out as the “replacement” and life goes on. The tagline thereafter “Life moves on when you’re gone…” is a reminder that our actions have consequences and if we don’t take care we suffer the consequences and perhaps end up being replaced.

Deep down inside we care about being replaced. We don’t ever want to be in a social or relational situation where we can easily be replaced. Whether it’s in terms of work, relationships, school opportunities or a small thing like a trip – the thought of missing out on these is unbearable. Also, at the same time, we like to be the ones that people miss out on. “It would have been so much better if you were there…we missed you…you know it’s not the same.” I guess it feeds into what would be our esteem and ego just enough to feel that people actually do care (when they do care, but we have a hard time showing it maybe). Maybe it’s not so bad sometimes to be replaceable – it may be for your own good that someone coming to replace you means a lot more benefit for you. The flip side of it, we each play a unique role in each other’s lives – more in family, friends, colleagues and schoolmates. That is a role that can be replaced but your uniqueness cannot.

“I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.” 

Robert Brault

Picture this. You have a job that you are great at and soaring in all that you do. There comes a time when you have to transition from there because you’ve found a better opportunity. Maybe it’s for better pay. Or chances of growth. We often like to hear that we will be hard to replace; which is not a bad thing. The unfortunate thing is all the while you were working you could have trained and mentored someone and made yourself “replaceable” that way growing faster and even leaving earlier. There’s a negative perception around what it means to be “replaceable” in the workplace – it might sound like you don’t have job security, or that you’re leaving the company – however, the fact is that being replaceable means emphasizing learning and growth, and is the key to fostering a positive work culture with a healthy path for career progression and innovation. Unpopular opinion: the better we are at our jobs, the more important it is to have someone even better than us. This helps you free up more of your time to get working on that creative idea or innovation that has been at the back of your mind.

There are also irreplaceable relationships out there that deserve a mention. This especially counts for the friendships that we have invested heavily in, most of this usually being the time put in. Believe it or not, the time you spend with friends and family cumulatively counts for something. This is to the point when you have not been in touch with certain people it feels weird so you will send that text, make that call or visit. And for those that we gradually stop doing that with well there is a slow fade and rise in uncertainty on your place in that person’s life (well apart from family, they’re there to say 🙂 so it best to continue or start to invest in them). Call your mother. Call your dad. Don’t spend more time watching videos on YouTube or TikTok where you are just another anonymous viewer; play with your children where your role in their lives will never be unvalued. Don’t pursue relationships that offer comfort and vice where you are replaceable with another good time; focus on relationships where you are loved and cherished because you pursue virtue at the expense of your comforts.

What we do will always be replaceable; who we are should be irreplaceable. It’s very important to work hard and smart in your job and career but putting in extra hours into it will not change that you are replaceable. You are better off learning to delegate and mentor someone to become just as good if not better than you at it. On the flip side, putting extra hours into your relationship will take it to the next level and solidify your uniqueness. Therefore, invest in and pursue relationships where you are unique. They say people will never remember what you did, but will always cherish how you made them feel. Make yourself (ir)replaceable.

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival” 

C.S. Lewis